Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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