she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
