he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
