It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
