Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
