The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
