So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
