You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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