As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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