You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
