Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
