Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize