I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
