Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
