i just google imaged poop.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
