Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
