The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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