somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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