and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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