Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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