the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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