I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's never too late to be topless.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
