I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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