I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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