Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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