im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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