My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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