are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it glows. i had to have it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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