i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
