when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
