Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
