these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
