listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
