the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
