K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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