FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Randomize
