so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
