I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
