Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i love accidental penises.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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