sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
no you cant smoke seaweed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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