I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
