Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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