i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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