Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
