I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
