I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
