I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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