so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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