She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
