she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
