think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
