I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
