I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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