Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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