You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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