Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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