you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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