so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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