All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she looked like the before picture.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
