Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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