When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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