Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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