She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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