peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
