The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
