if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
