ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
