a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
