Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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