why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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